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|Are you fit to date? Part 2
06 May 2009
|This is the second in a series about making yourself "Fit to date". I believe that very often the fear of rejection is so big that we stop going out to meet new people. Read below if you have any apprehension going out to meet a group of strangers at a social function, and particularly if you don`t feel confident enough to attend a SMARTdate event....
Part 2 – You are who you are!
I hesitate in distributing yet another story about confidence and dating, however, the bottom line is that if you want to be "Fit to date" you need to have reached a good level of self confidence. Think of it as your armour in the dating game.
Being fit to date for this purpose means that you have the confidence to put yourself in a relatively risky social position (because of the rejection factor) and come out of it with your self image in tact. Can you put yourself in front of a whole group of strangers, and feel okay with the results? Yes you can! Here`s why.. . .. .
A little while back, I was persuading a member to attend an event. He was concerned that no-one would want to talk to him at an event he was due to attend, more specifically, he was concerned about the race mix at an event. "You are who you are – just go!" I said rather emphatically.
The biggest fear you face when it comes to dating is rejection. Will they like me, and will the right people like me? If you want to get into a relationship with someone, no doubt it`s important that someone likes you! Facing the possibility of rejection can be so terrifying that OFTEN we don`t take action because this fear prohibits us from doing what we want to do.
There is no other social space where fear is a bigger player that at a speed dating event. You are required to sign yourself up to meeting 10-20 strangers who will make judgements on whether they like you or not. This sounds positively awful, I`m sure. However if you are genuinely okay with who you are, at that point in time, you will have the confidence to face this. It takes courage and commitment to put yourself out there, and every week people face the fear and come out to events with great results. You don`t have to be the friendliest or the chattiest person in the room to do this, you just need to be okay with yourself. (NB: You don`t actually see who likes or doesn`t like you at an event, this only ever happens the following day.)
You are who you are! When you face a bunch of strangers, you can`t change your personality, weight, income or race to fit the group you meet. Work on being comfortable with yourself, just enough to say, this is who I am right now. Some people may like me, and some may not! No matter what the outcome of an event, I`m okay with that. Here`s how .. .. .. .
If you aren`t happy and you are miserable about your life, you can still be confident and face the crowds with your head held high. Yes! Have a chat with yourself and come to terms with your current state/status. We all have goals and things we would or are changing, but you have to be okay knowing that where you are now is actually okay, and in future things may be different. Nothing is going to change immediately – you can`t let your current state stop you from being confident in a crowd of strangers. If you find yourself saying, "when I.... then I will", you know you are being held back by your fear.
It takes all kinds of people to make the world go around. You are who you are! The rewards outweigh the risk. Just go!!
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